Realization

So, I realize it's been quite a while since I've written anything. Life's been interesting, trying to get settled in Hawaii, and trying to figure out what's next in my life.

Recently, though, I realized that I feel lost as a person. I think it's just because I left home to come here where I have nothing but Carl. I don't really have friends of my own, only his friends whom I've become friends with. It's kinda sad that the person I'm closest to out here (Other than Carl) is one of my coworkers. A retired Hawaiian lady named Fely. What is nice about being out here is that they're pretty accepting, once they get past the whole "white person" thing. Fely has pretty much accepted me into her family, introducing me to her daughter, grand daughters (who are my age) and her great-grand daughter. It's nice, but at the same time makes me feel all that much more lonely.

Plus, Carl is debating what he would like to go to school for when he goes back. And, recently, with the placement of a Linux operating system on his laptop, he's been thinking of going into computer science. Now, I know this is going to sound probably shallow, but I can't help it, this kinda makes me upset. Computer Science was MY thing, which I left behind when I came out here. Doesn't really feel fair that he should be able to pick it up at the drop of a hat when I don't really have the capabilities of planning for any school at this point (since we're leaving in November, there isn't enough time to enroll out here, and most of the degrees I might want are ones you actually have to attend classes)

I guess I just feel a little lost and hopeless sometimes, but I'm sure that'll all change when I end up going back since I will be able to have my own "thing". I'm thinking I might go into Elementary Education. I know it's a pretty big leap from Computer Science, but I've been thinking back to TAing for Ms. Boyd and Mrs. Laabs and I'm kinda excited at the prospect. I'm not sure what my actual degree would be, possibly math or science, but it seems like something that I could do and be happy with!

Anyways, I'm off to work. Just had to let out some steam. Thanks for "listening".

<3